1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You dont lie about slip and slides
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦â€â™€ï¸
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