I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
