bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
