I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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