Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
