So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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