....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
