please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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