We named our party play list daddy issues
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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