also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
