I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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