I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
ttyl tear gas
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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