i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
