I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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