oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
