happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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