belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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