Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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