i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
