he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
