some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
