I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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