now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
