I think I died a long time ago.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
