Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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