Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
