Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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