She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
