Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
