I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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