I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize