please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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