Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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