Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
