I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize