once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
