I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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