Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
