made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
