I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
