May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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