you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The ass gains better be worth it
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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