She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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