She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
