We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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