After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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