I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
