Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
