Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
