The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
As shirtless as possible
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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