3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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