her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
