how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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