i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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