my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
