this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
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I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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