The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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