I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
