I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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