we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
