but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
