im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
