Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
