I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
