I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
