yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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