fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
