bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
